Napoleon, as you might know, was a pretty aggressive dude. Between 1804 and 1812 British authorities built a chain of Martello Towers to defend the island against potential French incursions. A few of these were constructed in the Thames in case the little guy tried to sail his fleet up the river and bombard the Big Smoke. This particular tower, called the Grain Tower Battery, was built a bit later, in 1855, at the outlet of the river Medway, modelled on those earlier Martello towers. It was retrofitted during subsequent wars with gun emplacements due to it’s prominent position. The address: Number One, The Thames.
Lucy Sparrow and I needed a Saturday night adventure that didn’t involve a pub. Marc Explo, as usual, had an excellent plan. He suggested that we brave brackish puddles filled with callus-slicing barnacles barefoot and sneak out to the tower at low tide, at about 2am. With luck, we would be able to get into the fort and wait for the tide to come in, trapping ourselves on our own private island for 12 hours until the tide went out again.
We made it to the fort with cold, raw feet and high spirits, holding our shoes and carrier bags full of supplies. We had a lovely view of Grain Power Station from the third story and rolled out our sleeping bags for the night.
During the night, we all had dreams that others had come to the island and were going through our things. In the morning, we woke up to cook some breakfast, shaking with cold as the first beams of Spring sunlight peeked into the room.
After eating, we poked our heads outside our concrete encampment for the first time. The tide had indeed come in. We were completely and utterly trapped. I first found this terrifying. However, there was also a unparallelled sense of safety that came with knowing no one could get to us unless they had a boat and weren’t afraid to have bits of the fort, which jutted out from every angle of the building, jam into their props. I reckoned we could defend it with spears and boiling oil if need be – there were a number of good choke points.
We stayed on the roof most of the day sunbathing, BBQing, drinking Jameson, playing Settlers of Catan and listening to Del tha Funkee Homosapien while danced in the general direction of passing fisherman. Eventually the tide went out again and it was time to leave.
Back in the car on the way home I found out that this place was for sale not too long ago for £500,000. It lacks electricity or running water but hey, with a view like that and an address of Number One the Thames of your envelopes, who cares.
Welcome to Spring 2013 everyone. Let the games begin.
